My Real Life Haunted House: and the Emotional Toll of Moving Out
This is the story of the most difficult move of my life... and leaving my “friendly” ghost behind.
Moving to a new home is an exciting time but what about the one you’re leaving behind?
Moving house is considered one of the most painful and challenging times of one’s life.
Women especially find it difficult to transition to a new nest and it comes as no surprise when clients lean on me for emotional support during the relocation process. I get it. I’ve been there.
As a professional Buyer’s Advocate, part of my role is to help manage the practical components of your move, but the real hidden talent that the outside world often fail to see in my profession, is being the Rock in the storm - the emotional support to (usually) the female of the household during this disruptive phase.
It’s a challenging time for all, and let’s be blatantly honest - moving house isn’t exactly what I would call, fun.
They say it is one of the most stressful things a person will do in their life, outside of divorce, death and paying taxes. (I think I made that last one up, but heck, who likes paying tax?!)
What makes it such a challenging time is not only the physical component of packing up all of your belongings accumulated over the many years, but the emotional toll of letting go of a place and a space that housed your entire life for a moment in time.
I myself have relocated a total of ten times in my lifetime.
But admittedly, I struggle with the whole “letting go” part and even though I’m a professional buyer’s agent and should be accustomed to the process of buying, selling and moving house, I still can’t shake the feelings of sadness, nostalgia and even dread when I have to make that move for myself.
Moving signifies a closing of a chapter and can sometimes trigger a grief response.
Writing about this makes me reflect on one of the hardest moves of my life - the one that was attached to my painful separation in 2012.
My ex and I had made the life-shattering decision to part ways and, despite my deep regret, the time had come to sell our family home. We had fought for months about the fate of our little cottage in Scarborough and it was the final piece of the separation puzzle, so I guess a part of me was sub-consciously wanting to hold on to avoid the painful realisation that it was all over.
He wanted to buy me out and redevelop the property into townhouses. I said “over my dead body” and threatened to call a bomb scare on the job site if this ever was to eventuate. (A moment I look back on with not so much pride but you have to have a laugh.)
The Cauliflower House.
I loved that home for my own personal reasons.
Amongst the locals, our pre-war cottage was known as the “Cauliflower House”, because some thought it resembled a cauliflower.
The Cauliflower House was humble and homely, and the backstory it held fascinated me. We purchased the property as a deceased estate from a family whose mother had lived in the house for over 50 years.
After we had moved in, I came to realise there was a lot of interesting history attached to this home, including its former owner being buried in the back yard! (Her ashes that is. I found them when we were digging up the fence line to plant lillypillys.)
The Cauliflower House in Scarborough, Queensland. (As we purchased it in 2009.) The original house has since been redeveloped by the new owners and the lot has been split to accommodate two additional townhouses.
My new neighbour, Colin, filled me in on how Ivy had raised her entire family in that little cottage and went on to explain the renovations it had undergone over the years.
Colin and I would become close and in 2018 I read a heartfelt passage I had personally written in front of family, friends and neighbours at his untimely funeral. It was a sad day.
Haunted house.
The other cool thing about my Scarborough cottage was that it was haunted.
Yes, Ivy was still there and she didn’t like my ex.
I never felt scared or frightened living alone in that house but visitors (and my ex) would report feeling uneasy. I likened my feelings of comfort to the fact that Ivy wanted me in her home. She knew the struggles I was going through and perhaps her way of “helping” was making me feel safe in my / our home.
I would often wake up in the middle of the night to all the lights in the house being on, and on two specific occasions, I remember the TV flicking channels when I was nowhere near the remote. The spare bedroom spooked a lot of my friends and I recall sleeping in there one night only to wake up to the sound of screaming.
My ex swears he felt her presence from time to time and I have to admit that I did too. Other strange things happened in that home, but nothing that ever terrified me.
She was a friendly ghost.
The Cauliflower House (pre-renovation) in 2009. (Ivy’s ashes were found along the right hand side fence line about halfway down.)
Thankfully, the practical process of the sale was quite easy since we were real estate agents and could manage the sale ourselves through our agency.
Time to say goodbye for good.
The property sold quickly to an interstate couple and I stayed on under a tenancy for the following 3 years. Just enough time to heal from my depression and re-build my life. I moved out after I met Ben and realised that our 2 year courtship was moving to the next phase - buying our first home together.
It was an emotionally painful move for me and I cried the day the removalists took my things away. I remember my dining table being pulled apart and falling on top of Slicky (one of my pugs). It was horrible.
It might not be everyone’s dream home, but it took me 4 years to get over leaving that place.
The Cauliflower House after we renovated it and added a deck and a little landscaping.
That particular move for me was always going to be emotionally charged - probably because I associated living there with a transformational period in my life.
As much as this property represents a final chapter and there was a sadness surrounding this phase of my life, I have fond memories living here.
If you have built your life around a certain 4 walls it can be very difficult to remove yourself from those particular walls. It is human nature to emotionally attach to our environment. After all, it is familiar and safe. It becomes our sanctuary and a comfortable space for rest and rejuvenation. A place where our families grow and memories are made. Milestones are met and tears are shed.
When you’ve had a hard day, there’s no better feeling than coming home.
How you can make your move easier.
The key is to be prepared.
Planning is everything when you’re moving house.
My advice is to plan your move well in advance - 3 to 6 months if possible (perhaps longer if you can).
Get removalists!
I cannot stress this enough. I have moved with and without professional removalists and I will never go without them again - ever.
They do this for a living and know how to pack and stack your furniture and belongings like an easy game of tetris. Leave it to the professionals or you will just add an extra layer of stress you don’t need.
Consider the safety of your pets.
This is a stressful time for them too and since you can’t sit them down and tell them what’s going on like you can your kids, it’s best to get them out of the picture for the duration of your move. The mistake I made was having my pugs wander around the house during moving day - in harms of way of furniture falling (like what I described above) and many sets of feet moving in and out of the property. It’s almost inevitable they will get in the way and possibly get hurt in the process. Arrange for a family member or friend to take care of them on moving day or even for a few days either side of the move. It will be easier on all involved.
Pre-plan your meals.
Moving is tiring and before you know it, you’ll be hangry and looking for something to nibble on. Pre-organise your meals and snacks for this time. Uber Eats was created for a reason.
Organise professional cleaners.
Don’t make plans to do the cleaning yourself. You’ll be too exhausted from the move but if you don’t lock in cleaners early, you’ll be forced to go through with the task yourself and believe me, it won’t be fun.
Leave a legacy.
You’ll want to feel like you’ve closed this chapter in the nicest way possible so make sure the property is clean, tidy, and looking its best for the new occupants. Pay it forward and give them a welcoming move-in experience so they too can begin creating fond new memories and continue the legacy of the property.
When we moved from our Ascot home, I left the tenants a handwritten welcome note and a bottle of champagne at the handover. This was received with gratitude and kindness and I know the young couple living in our former home are looking after it and enjoying the place just as much as we did.
Leave something behind for the new owners such as a plant or something you feel belongs “with the property”. It could be anything - a picture, garden ornament or perhaps something you found at the home when you moved in.
I’ve heard of stories where homeowners have left letters in the walls of the house to be one day found by a future resident.
Letting go is never easy.
Letting go is hard so don’t beat yourself up if you’re struggling to transition from your old home to a new one. Just keep in mind that you will make new memories and they will be just as special and monumental as those in your past.
This is a new chapter and you’re moving forward.
Isn’t that what life is about?
Hey there! I’m Wendy Russell.
I’m an independent buyer’s advocate, investor and self-made businesswoman with a knack for spotting a great property.
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